As the Big toe slowly creeps out of the closet….
One teeny tiny centimetre at a time.
Last night I spoke with my friend R, who was my very first in-real-life-friend of mine to ever have a baby (we both worked together at the Mother Ship both close friends, both infertile diagnosed in our teens and both of us saying that we “wanted to concentrate on our careers before having children” – only later after she became pregnant did we discover we had so much in common). R happily got pregnant in one of those miracle in-between infertility treatments cycles, and her little girl is now 16 months old. She also has the very first baby that I ever held (and she liked me! The baby that is).
I called R last night as I desperately wanted to tell her our good news (R who knew all about our journeys thus far) was THRILLED to hear all about the twins and our new fabulous GS M (I know I’ve said this before but I will say it again we are so very very lucky to have found her! – more on that below). R who is a cloth diaper advocate talked me through the ins and outs of cloth diapering and I ordered my very very first cloth diaper.
But, I am not the only one crawling out of the closet. Mr. Duck is doing his share of partial outings.
The list so far of those who know that we are expecting is as follows:
2 infertile guys at Mr. Duck’s work who knew of the IVF and the success (not the twin part yet)
Mr. Ducks boss (he told him today that we are expecting in June and that Mr. Duck will be taking a few weeks off).
My boss and friend (and his v. cool girl friend) and all the doctors that i work for (like 20 plus docs).
My two best Friends S (who’s infertile too) and J (who is by far THE most understanding amazing chick in the world – she TOTALLY gets being infertile without being infertile and always listens to me when I have a mental crisis moment).
A note about “Matching”
And maybe this should be an entire post, hell an entire book, but, something should be said about the importance of matching. Our very first match was a lot like my very first boyfriend, we were both so incredibly in awe that someone was willing to help us make our dreams that we so desperately wanted to come true (or in the case of my first long-term relationship – it lasted 9 months – it was that “oh my god he said he loved me thing”) that we could not see all the LARGE FLASHING warning signs that this would not be a good match(just as I did not see the HUGE flashing signs that my boyfriend was cheating on me – but I was 16 – young and naive).
After a bad match, you know what you don’t want, kinda a lot like a bad boyfriend, you know what you just can’t live wit, you may not be able to put it into words that make sense, but you know in your heart what is right and what isn’t.
Which brings me to M. When I first starting communicating with M, I was totally overwhelmed, she’s smart, she’s funny, she writes like me…When we talked on the phone for the first time I was so very excited, she’s the same on the phone as she is in writing (but greater!). THEN came the big meet.
AND it was great.
I let Mr. Duck do all the talking, I knew how wonderful M was, I knew I desperately wanted to move ahead with her, but, I also knew that Mr was a little burned over our last experience.
I knew that he had to make his own conclusions, I knew that if they simply chatted he would feel the same way I did.
And so they talked, and talked and talked some more. And Mr asked so many questions.
And towards the end of the conversation he must have said about 10 times, “M you really are a breath of fresh air”.
Ah, and that she is. She got it. The surrogacy and more.
She just really got it, and she was like us, up front, honest, straight forwarded, not introverted, but not a person who needed to be constantly in the spotlight, someone who enjoyed spending time with her family, someone well, someone very much like us.
And numerous times since then Mr and i have both said with joy “thank god for M, we truly are lucky” seriously, I’m not just saying it – these are the conversations that we have as we sit on our coach between watching Coronation Street and the News.
And so, for those of you who have not matched with your surrogates I would say this, it’s a lot like dating, speak to lots of women, don’t just run off with the very first person that you speak with(this is advice that i too received and admittedly did not take to heart), really get to know them, talk about the good issues and the hard issues too, because when you have a great match, it makes all the difference in the world.