Introducing… Friday’s Surrogacy Eh? Navigating surrogacy in the land of the igiloos.

December 4, 2009 at 2:06 pm 5 comments

14 weeks 4days

Over the past year I have virtually met so many women confused and lost as they are thrown into the world of Surrogacy.

So, I’ve decided to try my very best to help – starting the annual Friday post Surrogacy Eh? Navigating surrogacy in the land of the igloos.

For my first bit of AssVice:

Match me.

I was warned about not jumping into a match.

My dear from Sarah tried in her very kind way to help guide me from jumping into a relationship with the very first surrogate that came along (who was not totally ruled out by basic criteria like having carried a child before, and not being stalk raving mad).

But, here is the truth.

By the time that an infertile couple lands on the island of surrogacy they have usually floated in the sea of despair for years.

Countless failed cycles from some, years of miscarriages for others.

The trip to surrogacy island is not a luxury liner.

It’s a little more like your fishing boat caught fire 200 kilometres off the coast so you ended up in a tiny rubber dingy bobbing in the atlantic.

But once you arrive to the island, it can be okay, it all depends on who the inhabitants are.

Stay with me.

If you were trapped on a desert island, who would you want with you?

What kind of personality would they have, would they be someone who is hunting in the woods, finding new fruits, seeking sources or water? Or would they be someone who lies in a pile and does the “oh woe is me” I need someone to rescue me.

Perhaps, you, the IM, is the  kind that likes to wallow in sorrow?

A good match, if you can get it, would be with someone who is indeed like-minded, or close to it.

This will make communications and the journey so much smoother, as you will be able to understand the other’s perspective.

If you are an extrovert who likes to “hang it all out there” you are going to want to blog, with pictures,  first and last names and maybe even your social security number.

Others  just love love drama, they always have to have a crisis in their lives (I would recommend seeking a good councillor for this issue, and perhaps resolving it before you get involved with someone elses life – no GS or IP wants to have someone who is constantly looking for problems and mixing up drama). But if you love who you are, and love the drama then find yourself another Drama Queen. You will have a fun journey of dramatic stuff that your obviously into.

If you appreciate a bit of privacy, you’re maybe a bit like me, a little blog, under an anonymous name, tucked safely away on the internet.

If you are a laid back person, don’t match yourself with a type A, they will make you want to strangle them as they will need to obsess over every little detail.

After just reading all this, it really does seem rather obvious, doesn’t it?

To sum it all up, the quickest litmus test for me, is this, can I be trapped on an island with this woman for a year?

Will we want to kill each other, or will we carve out letters from bits of bark so we can play Scrabble?

Use this test in your match, and the answer of what you should do will quickly come to you.


Entry filed under: Second Trimester, Surrogacy Eh? Surrogacy in Canada. Tags: , , .

Hurtling towards the second trimester. Who am I?

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sarah @ whentwobecomesthree  |  December 4, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    NO – you are NOT bloggging about surrogacy in CANADA? That’s unheard of!!!!

    Great idea for a weekly theme and I look forward to following along. Thanks for the shout-out although you may want to check the hyperlink as it’s not pulling up da-blog.

    Sometimes even if people don’t rush – it can still be a disaster match. To me, what makes a good match is when both parties are willing to TRY to make it the best experience. If the relationship is unbalanced and only one party is putting in the effort – it’s doomed.

    I think that it’s really important to speak out about “finding the one” as let’s face it, not everyone has a friend or relative that wants to be a surrogate. It’s hard to go out into that big ol’world and find someone that you trust enough to carry your heart – or hearts in your case.

  • 2. Amanda  |  December 4, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    Sarah said it all for me. She is so right, as you are too!

    I love the idea of Fridays…looking foward to following it along from the IPs side of things.

  • 3. Elizabeth  |  December 5, 2009 at 4:55 am

    Duck? Duck?!?!?!?! Imagine my surprise and excitement to see your blog in my news alert. Congrats!!!!

    This is a great post. I was struggling to convey this very thing recently to a friend of a friend who was inquiring about surrogacy. I could not emphasize enough the importance of personality and the fact that the three of you ( and really many more people) will be yoked together for a year. As it was said in Pulp Fiction: Personality goes a long way!!

    I look forward to keeping up with you!

  • 4. Cyn  |  December 5, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    Such a great idea and I love the way you’ve described and compared it.

  • 5. jaymee  |  December 6, 2009 at 4:37 am

    great post and a wonderful idea!

    matching is difficult at best. for me what was really important was clearing away a lot of my own baggage, no one deserves to have to carry the burden of all the pain that led us to surrogacy. you lose yourself through years of IF, and it was important that i remembered who i was.


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