Who am I?
14 Weeks 6 days
Recently I’ve noticed this trend among new moms, those I know in real live person, and those I know through this virtual world.
They seem a little lost.
Lost in the big, who am I, where did that woman go, kinda way.
Don’t take that as ingratitude.
It’s not. These are women who are very grateful that they are blessed with children.
But somewhere around diaper 100, I think, it’s possible that women maybe question themselves, where they have been and where they are going. Sorta a holy fuck I’m 30 something and where did all my dreams go – how did I end up a glorified secretary kinda way. But, perhaps I am just projecting.
You see, I often question myself, in the big meaning of life kinda way.
It’s sorta annoying really. But, who am I and how did I get here?
Don’t get me wrong, there are so many many things about my life that I love.
My husband, Mr.duck:
Our quaint little house:
Our Fabulous dog:
And of course it goes without saying that I am eternally grateful to M, who has the endearing nickname The Bun Baker:
And of course, last but not least, the peanuts, for which I could not find a clever cartoon.
All that said, every day I leave home, I commute for an hour into my job as a glorified secretary (well really I sorta envy the secretaries). I too sit in a cubicle, I too arrange meetings, find people, nag other secretaries for times with their bosses in everyone’s oh so important, oh so busy schedule but I don’t arrive at 8 and leave at 3:30 and take an hour for lunch and my mandatory 2 15 minute breaks like all the other secretaries.
Why? I am not a secretary, I am a woman who labours under another title, does all the crap of a secretary and does not get the wee perks (like ye know not getting canned for being ill).
Why do I whine so? It’s just, well, it’s just, it’s not what I wanted.
I didn’t do a decade of University, and take on 40K in debt to wipe up someone elses shit. I just didn’t.
I thought, that at least career wise there would be more.
But, I am 30 something and I have no career.
So, I see why women, who have children, who are not working, can really question where the rest of their life, their career part that so very often can define us, is going – as I too am spending many an hour questioning where my professional life is going.
I’ve come up with a few answers, just not ready to reveal them, yet.