Will the real mother please stand up.
16 weeks 1 day
I have been thinking a lot lately about what makes the mom.
Is someone a mother simply because she has given the DNA or because she carried the child?
I’ve been thinking about this as a friend of mine has been having this struggle in her mind, her journey and I are similar (we both have endometriosis and have tried to have a family forever) and different (I’m working with a surrogate and she’s working with an egg donor).
I have read that some women who get pregnant with an egg donor consider the fact that they are carrying the child to mean that they are the mother, that they can influence the genetics. This rationalization obviously doesn’t work with surrogacy, as although I am not pregnant, I am most definitely the expectant mother of the twins.
And really, what does make the mother? I don’t believe that it’s DNA (I really don’t – I am the biological parent, but, that does not make me “the mother”).
For me, it’s the intend behind it all, I’m the expectant mother because I have hoped, dreamed, saved, cried, and did all kinds of crazy things to my body, so I can be the mother.
I’ve done the infertility equivalent of walking on fire to become a mother.
It’s this intend, this willingness to put my future children before any of my physical, emotional or financial needs, that’s what makes me a mother.
I’m an expectant mother, because I’ve worked my ass off to get here, and I think that’s the same for women working with egg donors, you’re the mother, because you love your child, because you want so desperately to be a mother and it has nothing to do with DNA.