Telling (part duex)
18 weeks 6 days
As we struggle with when to tell our families our good news, there is so very much to think about.
Everyone has their own, unique families, with complicated relationships.
My relationship with my mother is complicated, for good reasons. My mother is what is referred to as High maintenance.
Very. High. Maintenance.
If she gets it in her head, she may just call me 15 times in an evening, in a call, hang up, dial again pattern.
For some of you reading, this maybe normal behaviour.
There is this thing, called an answering machine (which I have) and when someone does not answer the phone, you do this thing called, leave a message.
Then, a person, once they have a moment can call you back, there is no need to harass anyone.
My mother buys things. Stuff. Crap. And leaves it at my house, or sends it to me for Christmas after I have expressly asked not to have anything. Which maybe just fabulous if you’re the kind of person that wants 3 sets of candle sticks, but if you are the kind of person that doesn’t want ANY candle sticks and it DEPRESSES YOU that SOMEONE IS BUYING THINGS THAT WILL END UP IN A LANDFILL AND IS KILLING OUR ENVIRONMENT, like I am, it’s an ISSUE. It’s a respect thing.
If it makes someone SAD to give them stuff, why would you give them STUFF to make you (my mother)feel good? Isn’t the point of gifts to make the OTHER PERSON feel happy? OR am I missing something?
So, my issues with telling others our very good news, is wrapped up in the personality of certain people in my family.
So, there will be ground rules.
NO ONE will be visiting until we have established a comfort level, a pattern with our babies, so at least 6 weeks.
I know, y’all can gasp and sigh and tell me how crazy I am that I need to set boundaries. But, maybe you don’t need to set boundaries for your mother, maybe it’s your mother in law that is a little bit of something special, or maybe you’re lucky enough that everyone in your family is perfect, clearly you’re the exception.
But, I believe in managing situations, and if you are going to effectively manage a situation, you plan ahead.
So, while, yes, it will be busy, and yes, I will be tired, having people visit us in the first 6 weeks would not help (because they WILL NOT BE HELPFUL).
So, yes eventually, we will tell our family.
Once the news is out there, I have no control over where it goes or who knows, so until I am ready to chat with a stranger about our babies, we will be keeping our fabulous news close to our chest.
Oh, and in case you are wondering, this has nothing to do with surrogacy, and if I was physically pregnant, I would be keeping it between myself and my close friends (this is one of the advantages of living far away from relatives).