Telling (part duex)

January 3, 2010 at 9:45 pm 7 comments

18 weeks 6 days

As we struggle with when to tell our families our good news, there is so very much to think about.

Everyone has their own, unique families, with complicated relationships.

My relationship with my mother is complicated, for good reasons. My mother is what is referred to as High maintenance.

Very. High. Maintenance.

If she gets it in her head, she may just call me 15 times in an evening, in a call, hang up, dial again pattern.

For some of you reading, this maybe normal behaviour.

It isn’t.

There is this thing, called an answering machine (which I have) and when someone does not answer the phone, you do this thing called, leave a message.

Then, a person, once they have a moment can call you back, there is no need to harass anyone.

My mother buys things. Stuff. Crap. And leaves it at my house, or sends it to me for Christmas after I have expressly asked not to have anything. Which maybe just fabulous if you’re the kind of person that wants 3 sets of candle sticks, but if you are the kind of person that doesn’t want ANY candle sticks and it DEPRESSES YOU that SOMEONE IS BUYING THINGS THAT WILL END UP IN A LANDFILL AND IS KILLING OUR ENVIRONMENT, like I am, it’s an ISSUE. It’s a respect thing.

If it makes someone SAD to give them stuff, why would you give them STUFF to make you (my mother)feel good? Isn’t the point of gifts to make the OTHER PERSON feel happy? OR am I missing something?

So, my issues with telling others our very good news, is wrapped up in the personality of certain people in my family.

So, there will be ground rules.

NO ONE will be visiting until we have established a comfort level, a pattern with our babies, so at least 6 weeks.

I know, y’all can gasp and sigh and tell me how crazy I am that I need to set boundaries. But, maybe you don’t need to set boundaries for your mother, maybe it’s your mother in law that is a little bit of something special, or maybe you’re lucky enough that everyone in your family is perfect, clearly you’re the exception.

But, I believe in managing situations, and if you are going to effectively manage a situation, you plan ahead.

So, while, yes, it will be busy, and yes, I will be tired, having people visit us in the first 6 weeks would not help (because they WILL NOT BE HELPFUL).

So, yes eventually, we will tell our family.

Once the news is out there, I have no control over where it goes or who knows, so until I am ready to chat with a stranger about our babies, we will be keeping our fabulous news close to our chest.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, this has nothing to do with surrogacy, and if I was physically pregnant, I would be keeping it between myself and my close friends (this is one of the advantages of living far away from relatives).


Entry filed under: Second Trimester. Tags: , .

A great start to a new year From Sweet Potato to Mango

7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Denise  |  January 3, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    Does the no visiting for 6 weeks thing stand just for certain family, all family, or anyone at all? I am starting to worry about the Ducks and getting through 6 weeks with newborn twins with no help. Please tell me you will accept some help from someone, even if it is just a delivered home cooked meal?

    • 2. thecanadianduck  |  January 4, 2010 at 9:38 am

      Just really from people who would also have to stay in our house, so relatives from a distance. We have lots of close neighbours and friends who I am sure will be great help. But, have my parents visit and newborns would be a complete disaster, because instead of concentrating on our new family, I would have to concentrate on running interference with my mother….

  • 3. Sarah  |  January 4, 2010 at 11:35 am

    Makes sense Duck. I am hoping that when you do tell, you are going to be pleased with their reactions but you know me – always optimstic.

    I think that it’s good to have the 6 week rule, You are going to be able to manage wonderfully with twins cause you have been waiting soooooo long to be their Mommy. You will be on too much of cloud nine to truly feel that tiredness that we are all talking about. It WILL kick in at some point for shiz but you will cope and figure it all out. You are going to be an AMAZING mom and I will always be here for you for whatever you need!

    hugs from me and razzies from B.

  • 4. TABI  |  January 4, 2010 at 6:30 pm

    I totally understand what you mean. Telling people was a big hurdle for me and I had to set rules and boundaries to protect myself. Each milestone will make you feel even more comfortable and more excited. I am so happy to hear you are almost at 19 weeks!! Yahooo!!

  • 5. My Reality  |  January 4, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    I don’t blame you for not telling at all. I didn’t let most of my family know I was pregnant until I was 24 weeks or further. As far as I was concerned, it was nobody’s business.,

    My mother is high maintenance – I totally get what you are saying.. The end of my pregnancy was horrible because of all of her worries and concerns about the baby coming and all of the crap she projected onto me. I didn’t need to deal with her issues. I had enough on my plate.

    Keep it to yourself as long as you need to.

  • 6. Me  |  January 4, 2010 at 11:02 pm

    I will not chastise you. My mother is a freaking nutcase so I, of all people, understand your need to set boundaries with her!

  • 7. Jamie  |  January 7, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    You know your family and what your needs are going to be. Ground rules are a good thing!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed

Blog Stats

  • 32,728 hits

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 9 other followers


Recent Posts

%d bloggers like this: