Worry much?

January 15, 2010 at 7:52 am 8 comments

 20 weeks 4 days

 I must admit I seem to be rotating between terrified fear that something will happen with our precious babies, and the comfort of knowing that they are with M.

It goes like this:

Oh my god it took 5 years (and so much money we refuse to talk or think about it) to get here, we’re so very close, we’re over half way, we want the babies to live so badly. They have names and personalities and we love them so very much, even if they don’t yet weight a pound, and I start to panic thinking about them.

BUT then I usually remind myself they’re with M, and if anyone in the world can take care of these babies I know that she can do it, and then I can breath again.

I know, I shouldn’t worry, I should concentrate on the positive (and I try, I do remind myself frequently of the good things, to keep picturing healthy happy babies) but it’s not easy.

Hopefully M will see the specialist soon (we STILL don’t have an appointment) or her OB will see her again and have another ultra sound scan, anything to give us some comfort that all will be well.

(And I’ve been at work since 630 am which is making me one tired and emotional duck).


Entry filed under: Second Trimester. Tags: , , , .

Twin Room Planning. Banana

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Sarah  |  January 15, 2010 at 9:11 am

    It’s so not easy is it? I seriously felt like I was a yo-yo when we were expecting. But as time moves on, it’s going to get easier as your little duckies grow and get stronger. They are going to be ok. Perfect actually. And they are going to rock your world lady. Wishing time to speed ahead for you.

    Hopefully you can grab a cup of tea soon. A cup of tea always relaxes me a little.

    Hang in. Miss B and I are cheering you on!

  • 2. Natasha Marchand  |  January 15, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    Thank you for leaving a comment on my post, I really felt like no one would ever talk to me again after I wrote it. Not only did you totally get where I was coming from, but you have a first hand belief that it is possible. I have been crying since your comment 😉

    SO happy to hear you have made it over half way, the babies rooms look so amazing and for all the support you have given me and all you have been though you deserve nothing but happiness in the future! Can’t wait to see pictures of te duckies!!

  • 3. My Reality  |  January 15, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    I don’t know if the fear will go away until they are on the outside and in your arms. But, as the pregnancy progresses and they can survive outside on their own, it does help.

  • 4. Sunny  |  January 15, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    I am so there right now. The worst is when I am tired. Today, a friend was trying to comfort me and tell me not to worry. Well, it’s impossible not to worry about your children — it comes with being a parent. We may not have met these little ones yet, but we are still their mothers and thus can’t help but worry.

    PS I went to a small, private university in St. Louis, Missouri to get my masters in counseling. Each state has their own requirements for licensure in mental health, and I picked this program because it met the requirements for my state, it was very close to where I lived, and it was inexpensive. Counseling is not necessarily all that lucrative (without a PhD, and sometimes, even with one) so I didn’t want to overspend on my masters like I did on my bachelors. 🙂

  • 5. Marilyn  |  January 15, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    I went through two pregnancies that were considered high-risk and I can well remember how oppressing the worry could be. I spent most of my time remembering that most pregnancies actually do turn out okay. Tough, tough, tough, I know, but at least you’re half-way there!

  • 6. MEG.  |  January 15, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    Aw, Duck, of course you’re worried. As IPs (even though I haven’t officially been there yet!), we give up SO much control over the development of our children.

    Just keep focusing on the fact that M’s uterus is the safest, most nurturing place your babies can be right now. And you’re less than 4 weeks away from viability!

    Hang in there, Duck.

  • 7. Bec  |  January 15, 2010 at 10:21 pm

    It is totally normal to be stressing and worrying hon. But it is going to be okay. I know nobody can say that for sure and you are probably rolling your eyes right now, but I just have this amazing feeling about this, that everything is going to work out xxx

  • 8. Amanda  |  January 17, 2010 at 4:24 am

    Awe Duck, it’s so hard not having any control. I don’t know what your experiences are like, but even pregnant with my own babies I felt that way. Because even as a pregnant person, you have very little control, you do what your suppose to do and then from there all you can do is hope, and pray.

    I don’t think you ever feel safe until their 20….and even then is iffy. There will always be a fear, before their born, just after their born (you know are they still breathing, or so and so is sick) to teenagers driving off on their own for the first time. That fear is so gripping it’s unreal.

    But you do the best you can, try to push it into the background and hope that everything will be okay.

    I’ll be praying right along with you


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