What kind of a mother are you?
21 weeks 4 days
I read all the time about how women are expecting and they have babies and their relationship with their mother changes. It usually grows closer and the women grows more understanding, etc.
I don’t feel any of that.
To be honest, I feel quite the opposite.
As the days role on and I think more and more about becoming a mother to a real live baby, I think more and more about the kind of mother I had.
And I must say, I don’t want to be anything like her.
I don’t ever want my children to feel that they keep my alive, that they are responsible for my happiness. What the hell – the only person responsible for my happiness is ME.
For me, I think about my little girl and I can not understand what could possible possess my mother to SAY or DO the things she does?
She thinks that manipulation is an art form and being neurotic is an acceptable pass time. And it just pisses me off.
Sure, we all can, and I have, made excuses for her. One’s that involve, she did the best she could, she had bad role models.
How can I see that it was wrong if she was my role model?
So, instead of being filled with the warm fuzzies for my mother I seem to be filled with a wonderment, a feeling of what kind of women would do that? How is THAT love?