Posts filed under ‘Surrogacy’

Preparations

19 Weeks 4 days

Thanks so much for everyone’s comments and good thoughts about the placenta previa, they are much appreciated. For once Dr. Google has made me worry a little less as when I googled it wasn’t all bad…. we will know more as time goes on, but it is a relief that it was caught early so that M can rest. From what I read having it caught early means that we know and it can be managed.

Being an IM is a unique perspective and involves a whole whack of trust in the woman pregnant with your child(ren), and Mr and I are extremely lucky that we have M, I know she’s doing everything she can to make sure the pregnancy goes well and that means I get to sleep at night.

The common theme in the Duck’s house is thank God we have M, thank GOD because the truth is I wouldn’t trust just anyone with my babies, and I know her heart is big and as always is in the right place (her whole family for that matter, as now they all are going to be pitching in to help out M and the little ducks).

As always, we are so so so grateful.

I thought it might be nice to share a pic of some of the baby preparations, here are the diapers we have purchased thus far:

January 7, 2010 at 11:31 pm 9 comments

First Christmas

17 Weeks 2 days

This is the first Christmas in 5 years where I do not feel, to one degree or another, a certain kind of sadness.

I feel the joy that I felt before infertility came over me like a cloud of darkness .

I see kids with joy on their faces and I feel joy too.

I remember the darkness, and I feel such an incredible gratitude, what a surrogate does for us intended parents can not be put into words, imagine being able to heal a giant wound, being able to make someone else’s dreams come true, it truly is an amazing gift and one that I am so very grateful for this Christmas.

 

December 23, 2009 at 3:03 pm 9 comments

Lactation Induction, What’s up with that?

16 weeks 3 days

Inducing lactation, for me, has very little to do with breast milk.

Sure, I will make some breast milk and that will benefit the twins, but mostly I just want to have that experience that pregnant new moms also get.

 I know that breastfeeding twins will be HARD HARD work. I know that they will have to be supplemented with formula (and I am FINE with that – I know so many great kids that were raised on formula). But, these are the experiences that I, and they, would get to have if I was pregnant, so why deny the babies, or me that experience?

For me, when I learned that I could breastfeed, somehow it really helped me accept surrogacy (well I also had no choice, it was surrogacy or no babies – that helped too).  It was my fabulous Montreal RE who told me about breastfeeding (as much as I love Dr. Del Valle who actually made me an expectant Mom I attribute just as much success to our Montreal Doctor, Dr. Mahutte, who brought us to the point where we could move onto surrogacy). He did so gently, he gave my uterus every chance possible, we even did an FET shot with Viagra – not that he thought it would help – but just so I could walk away knowing that I did everything.

When he told me that I could breastfeed it was like I could breath again, I had no idea it was something that I wanted to do so badly (and I imagine the 2 years I spent living in Montreal probably helped influence that – I’ve never seen such a place so positive breastfeeding in my life).

 But there are some significant obstacles.

First pumping. I have the pump (he arrived last week!) but there is a significant lack of pumping space.

Where does one do such a thing?

I have a wide open cubicle, can’t pump there. 

Pumping seems to be practically unheard of in Canada (please correct me!) where women can take the first year off of work as maternity leave (and get some monies from the federal government in the form of unemployment insurance). What this means is there is no such thing as a “pumping room”…

And how can I take off every 3 hours to pump?  Logistically how the hell is this going to work?

(remember my employer is a bit of a jerk – I had that whole firing-me-because-I-was-sick-issue – which they can do as I am a contract employee – a contract employee can be terminated at any time for any reason provided that they give you the notice period or money in lieu of notice as stipulated in the employment contract).

All these thoughts are keeping my mind occupied from the big wait- only 2 more sleeps till the scan!

If you have not voted on the poll please please vote! I love knowing who people think is growing in M’s belly

December 17, 2009 at 5:15 pm 10 comments

Will the real mother please stand up.

16 weeks 1 day

 I have been thinking a lot lately about what makes the mom.

 Is someone a mother simply because she has given the DNA or because she carried the child?

I’ve been thinking about this as a friend of mine has been having this struggle in her mind, her journey and I are similar (we both have endometriosis and have tried to have a family forever) and different (I’m working with a surrogate and she’s working with an egg donor).

I have read that some women who get pregnant with an egg donor consider the fact that they are carrying the child to mean that they are the mother, that they can influence the genetics. This rationalization obviously doesn’t work with surrogacy, as although I am not pregnant, I am most definitely the expectant mother of the twins.

 And really, what does make the mother? I don’t believe that it’s DNA (I really don’t – I am the biological parent, but, that does not make me “the mother”).

For me, it’s the intend behind it all, I’m the  expectant mother because I have hoped, dreamed, saved, cried, and did all kinds of crazy things to my body, so I can be the mother.

I’ve done the infertility equivalent of walking on fire to become a mother.

It’s this intend, this willingness to put my future children before any of my physical, emotional or financial needs, that’s what makes me a mother.

I’m an expectant mother, because I’ve worked my ass off to get here, and I think that’s the same for women working with egg donors, you’re the mother, because you love your child, because you want so desperately to be a mother and it has nothing to do with DNA.

December 15, 2009 at 4:30 pm 13 comments


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